Whats worse is that she tried to project a lot of this behavior onto me as well. In my experience this is just life and most people are reasonable because you have to deal with a family emergency. Imagine the reverse letter. Plus, is this every weekend youre talking about? After my manager made sure we had room in the budget, I got the approval to sign up for one of the better classes. Its a coworker, and your response should be based on that fact, not whether the coworker happens to be a woman you asked out once. Unfortunately, I need to inform you of my immediate resignation, effective [current date]. Thanks for your perspective. The impression I get from these boards is in order to get a good review or be promoted, I have to be willing and available for this kind of thing. Whatever you do, you have to let your boss know at any costs! I absolutely dont want extra responsibility anymore. My son is hospitalized and I have to stick by his side at all times. I suspect shes not necessarily going to want to be all that chatty with you now that she knows you have additional feelings for her, either she is likely going to be trying to get back to a purely professional standing as well. Being rude about the OP isnt going to solve the problem. Thats possible. #2 You big creeper! Or to put it another way: my comment was intended to help the OP, and wasnt meant to question or contradict what they observed, and Im sorry if it didnt come across that way. OP #2, I think some of the reaction is very strong, but I get the feeling that you understand by now why the reaction is that way so I wont delve into that. Itd be hypocritical of me to say that its a bad idea as a rule (I mean, it worked out well for me), but I think that its important for people to be aware that its going to take a lot more effort, conscious planning, social awareness/skill, boundaries, etc. She had just started working at the organization and was still finding her way. His over-analyzing is not a form of punishment, its him trying to navigate carefully based on the clues shes giving him. I cant imagine what a front desk receptionist can do taking the incoming calls for a hotel if they are not physically in the hotel, at the desk. In general, I would be upset that I had this additional complication to deal with in a new job, and younger me would also worry about the fact that I might have hurt the feelings of someone I had to work with and take on that stress in addition to the stress of a new workplace. All the females there then became really aggressive. The rest is just uncomfortable gravy. But that does seem really strange are they open on weekends, or are just accepting calls to field questions? He asked politely, she said no politely, now its awkward and he doesnt know what to do about it. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. you dont even have to go looking!whereas it can actually be much harder if youre going to do it conscientiously and well.). There were also times where one wouldnt work 40 hours per week. I found a few courses for around $1,000 each, and was told that that price range is OK and I should pick one. 11. Maybe you have been vomiting all night excuse can come through. Seconding the good luck. Among many excuses You have food poisoning. Dont offer to pay for a business expense just because the price ended up being higher than what you thought. Why doesnt anyone ever worry about whether the woman in these situations has anxiety, difficulty with social cues, etc.? It wont do anyone any good. I feel much better about it now. Extra bonus points for making a shitty work environment if this is in any way tech related where women have to walk a minefield every day. Of course you wouldnt. For example, if you just want a better job, find it before you quit to avoid any significant interruption of income. Divorce Courts rely heavily on he said, she said declarations, signed under penalty of perjury.. When resigning due to family reasons one can also use the phrase caring commitments. Also, family reasons can be included in the formal resignation letter to ensure that everyone understands why you are leaving and the fact that it does not have anything to do with the job. I can be an overly friendly person, so sometimes I have to remind myself that even though I have workplace friends they are not the same as being my BFF outside of work. I dont friend anyone on Facebook because I have no Facebook account. Thats a poor excuse and you know it. Besides that, my thinking may be a little skewed from having worked at a place that required four weeks notice for any PTO to be granted. #1 If unfriending your boss is tricky, you can also change your Facebook settings so you remain friends with her but you dont see her posts and updates. This has been a huge adulting skill for me too! But its good practice for useful soft skills (and the right thing to do). Over the last year, theres been a significant track record of her not keeping up on her tasks as the Aquatics Director because she has too much going on, is stressed. Or there was a gas leak. If you still need assistance, you can contact *employee name* at *email address*. Don't give notice if you don't want to, and your new job is ready for you to start right away. I just received your email, but unfortunately, I may not be able to reply to you immediately. Politicians use the art of puffery as part of their game. Boss doesnt worry about being unfriended, you dont see things that cause ~drama~. Seriously thats ridiculous. I always befriend everybody (that I like) when I leave a job, so we stay in touch. I want you and everyone else to know my reasons for leaving are not related to the job, the company or work conditions. Well, they do; there are a ton of married couples in my workplace who met here. I dont think thats entirely fair. Now we work together occasionally when our projects cross paths; mostly though, I say good bye to him when he leaves the house in the mornings, and see him again when he stops by my desk so we can walk out together at the end of the day. Shes talking about law, not behavior. I worked that type of position while in college and it was great for getting my homework done while getting paid. Family emergencies are usually unforeseen and urgent for immediate actions and always related to our home, children, parents and close relatives. It really depends on your boss. It would suck to find a good course half a year from now that is more in budget and not be able to take it because you already took the other training. Family problems, especially the ones dealing with the health, are often the good excuses to miss work for a week. But stop over analyzing. Women in the workplace face so much worse. Again, I expressed my opinion about the behavior detailed in the OP. But, when a family emergency arises, almost every boss shows empathy and is ready to help in such situations. After about two months, I reached my breaking point. He doesnt know me. Yes, this. Hiding some peoples posts just makes life more pleasant for everyone. Youre attracted to her. I also agree it wasnt the best idea for him to ask her out that quickly. Thats what I meant. I agree with this. Anyway, my advice, just leave it alone. Maybe you have been vomiting all night excuse can come through. Martha Beck Quits Lying Author, speaker, teacher, legend, Oprah-endorsed Martha Beck is known for quitting a lot of things: her family of origin, her religion, marriage, heterosexuality, academia, multiple versions of herselfthe list is long. If it were up to me, wed still be together, and for a long time I didnt really know how to navigate thatalways torn between trying to force myself to be over him, or caving in and admitting (usually in a conversation with him) that I wasnt. He is. Im firmly in the Jim and Pam dont exist category. I fully appreciate the companys support over the course of my employment. Maybe OP should consider that women who get creeped on at work feel a million times worse than this, every single day, when their livelihoods are on the line. #3 you could even print out some of the review listings and complaints for these courses to back up your point. Would she need to get paid because shes required to adjust her personal activities in order to be available, or not because she is doing personal things and not sitting around waiting? OP, your co-worker has been mature, said no graciously and like you seems to be prepared to move on and build a professional relationship. I think that last is too draconian. WebEmergency leave covered under the Family and Medical Leave Act guarantees that you can take unpaid leave for up to 12 weeks per year. Your email address will not be published. Then they can just send it when a worker or client tries to contact them during their leave. However, in your scenario, lying is done in the service of a self-defeating goal: To avoid confrontation. Layoffs or being let go. Of course that may not be remotely similar to whats going on here! And I strongly disagree with your last statement. I so can relate. But I was worried, too, about it coming off as too aggressive. The truth is I cannot express the personal satisfaction I have got during my [x amount of months/years] here. So you must remember to draft the out-of-office message beforehand to prepare for that. Not a bad point. I quit when they called me to come to his office, I get there and have to wait for him to get back with another manager to talk to me. Yeah, I dont really see any evidence to support the fact that she thinks he committed a horrible crime. Learning to let an attraction just exist, without doing or saying anything about it, without visibly brooding, just accepting that it is a thing that exists but cant be acted on. I made sure I only emailed him about work, didnt email him after hours, and never called or texted him on his cell phone. At the very least, this boss needs to make an apology to everyone for missing the meeting. At the very least, it will probably alert her to the fact that she needs to be more mindful about social media, be it what she posts, who she chooses to accept as friends, etc. Yes, thanks. To be fair, we dont know what her interpretation really is. Can we handle them differently? Those commitments could be family, hobbies, a class youre taking, volunteer work, a tendency to spend time in the mountains outside of cell range, or whatever you want. That turned out to be a mistaken assumption! and then explained what I had found out about them, and the price range for the better classes. Man, I sympathize and all, but you gotta get that out of your headspace and start treating her normally. Im a front desk receptionist at my job and I really dont want to have to keep sticking to those duties over my weekend, aka my free time. This all probably means nothing and youll drive yourself crazy trying to read into it. Maybe this has to do more with the industries that I work in but salaried jobs still do have a schedule. He gives really excellent, concrete dating advice for shy and socially uncomfortable people. It appears that OP #2 didnt give much thought to how his actions might make his coworker feel. My contingency plan for what Id do if it didnt work out with me and my now-husband relied on the fact that we didnt work on the same projects and wouldnt need to be in proximity on a daily basis. This is why employers should really examine their time off, PTO, and staffing policies, to ensure reasonable people arent put into these kinds of situations. I often hear, But I love him/her. I respond, So what?, Jake, she already knows that you were attracted to her, since you asked her out. Which is not to say that being creepy and awkward is okay I just think that Never ask out a coworker ever it is inappropriate 100% of the time isnt realistic. #5, While legally they can have you do this, it is ridiculous, frankly. Well we can disagree on that. (Though, as Turanga Leela said, we dont actually know that the OP is male.). LW#2 basically approached a stranger (a stranger in his morning scrum) and asked her out based on no real acquaintance? It becomes a greater problem because of reason #1. Should I offer to split the cost of training with my employer? But either way, you can decide to act toward her the same way you would toward someone you were utterly unattracted to in the same position. There doesnt seem to be any pressing need for the OP to bring it up again, and it might have the opposite of the intended effect since the subtext could easily be Hey, I havent dropped this.. In my experience, I was expected to answer company calls (including on call) with a formal phrase that started with the company name. WebNot so Good Family Emergency Excuses We, as a whole, have been there. Insults or complaints: My boss is a total control freak.. Yesit seems equally possible that the coworker may have noticed OP acting strange and actually been upset, or that she is completely oblivious to all of the micro-analysis OP is doing and hes inferring upset-ness where none exists simply because hes hyper-focused on tiny details and perhaps has a heightened concern for upsetting her. It was (probably) deliberate in inviting both of us to lunch within a group, and several evening activities over the course of a few months. Its hard, and as a frequent resident of foot-in-mouth land, it seems a little harsh to write someone off as irredeemably creepy because of some awkwardness that hes trying to fix. Its hard enough connecting to people during the work week (we are an international company with virtual employees) so it would be near impossible on the weekend. Dear [Immediate Supervisor/boss/HR contact]. Most people understand that. I dont live for my work. Maybe Im being harsh but OP#2, maybe youre reading too much into things. No one is trying to take that away from you. OP, dont ask out colleagues if you are not sure about their intentions. He mentioned it to a team lead and the team lead got the poor just-dumped girl fired. Im not really sure whats beyond creepy about the OPs behavior, and they made it pretty clear they didnt want to make their coworker uncomfortable. But while lying to get out of attending a staff meeting isnt a great move and its particularly a jerk move coming from the boss, because its an obvious double standard Im not sure its fury-worthy or quit-worthy. Express the personal satisfaction I have no Facebook account to everyone for missing the.! 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