She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. The first time Sarah Hepola, author of the new memoir Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, got drunk, she was eleven years old, visiting her cousin for summer vacation. But the social and moral and criminal consequences can be grave. But being sympathetic to these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and Oprahhad been declared a sin. But I thought thats what writers do.. What things cant you write about?, Gender, sex, politics. And the writing community changed. The things you and I discuss., Nicole Chung: How to organize your writing ideas, He ran a hand through his hair. This interview has been edited and condensed. Sarah Hepola: When I first started thinking about writing a book, I went to Barnes & Noble in Union Square [in New York], and I went to the addiction section and read everything I could find.I found this book about women and drinking, and the upshot was that women hide their drinking and there are no social rituals about drinking for women the way there are for men. New York, Grand Central Publishing, 2015, 230 pp., 26.00. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Required fields are marked *. Let's start with the most recent piece: Texas writer Sarah Hepola's Atlantic article, a rambling, illogical screed that was full of fallacious arguments. I was so hungry for this luxurious taffy pull, where we all gathered together and tried to sort out something closer to the truth. This post is a remarkable essay by Sarah Hepola, which appeared recently online at Atlantic. I was not writing much about this stuff, except in the journals where I always stowed my secrets. Lets get blackout has been a college rallying cry for many years. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, The Guardian, the Atlantic, Salon, and Elle. Hepola conveys both the horror in the mysteries left after a night smudged dark by drinking, and the draw of overdrinking that kept her carving out her memory with alcohol. This is about every corner of human life. Back in 2015, I was putting out my first book, and then I was promoting that book, and then I was struggling to write a second book, and I could not risk the personal and professional blowback that might accompany stepping into the wrong lane. by Sarah Hepola (Author) 2,944 ratings Editors' pick Best Biographies & Memoirs See all formats and editions Kindle $10.99 Read with Our Free App Audiobook $0.00 Free with your Audible trial Hardcover $22.45 85 Used from $1.49 25 New from $10.50 5 Collectible from $6.00 Paperback But in a blackout, a person is anything but silent and immobile. I have that line in the book: Activism may defy nuance, but sex demands it." Public scolding, all-caps hyperbole, a stubborn refusal to understand another point of viewintolerance, once perceived as a conservative problem, was fully bipartisan now. What's Sarah Hepola 'scared to write about'? Hepola A lonely, attention-starved child, Hepola started stealing sips of her parents' beer at age seven. The reasons were simple, at least for me. Can you actually support yourself as an Uber driver? My parents were Yankee liberals, only one of many ways we didnt fit. There had been more grievous allegations, of courserape, pedophilia, physical abuse. But the way I was doing business had become a prison of my own making. She lives in Dallas. And thats why, midway through a career built on speaking out, I shut up. Her memoir, "Blackout," will be published by Grand Central on June 23, 2015. Sarah Hepolais the author of the bestsellingBlackoutand whatever she writes next. She went to St. Consent, complicity, moral trespass, power dynamics. I was galled by the PMRC, a group of concerned mothers led by the then-wife of Al Gore, Tipper Gore, fighting the cultural rot of songs about masturbation, virginity, BDSM, all the topics a curious girl might find irresistible. "Sobriety sucked the biggest donkey dong in the world," she tells us, and she backs that up. Show More. Maybe it would get me intoThe New Yorker! She lives in East Dallas, where she enjoys playing her guitar poorly and listening to the "Xanadu" soundtrack. on Sarah Hepola The Things Im Afraid to Write About. Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. I suspect I will lose followers (I dont have that many), but perhaps I will gain self-respect, which Ive been sorely lacking lately. Admin. and Al Franken became Andrew Cuomo and Dave Chappelle. . Like me, the younger man had fallen in love with art because it was the place where people told the truth. Funeral Planning and Grief Resources | One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for my writing, and maybe other things, if the salty text messages were true. Perhaps he was disappointed in me, or in an environment where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies for private conversations. In the two years since, I have tried to drum up the courage to be someone different from the writer I had become. Her essays have appeared in the New York Times magazine, the Atlantic, Elle, Bloomberg Businessweek, The Guardian, Salon, and Texas Monthly. All Content 2023 Sarah Hepola. She went to St. A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. Hepola conveys both the horror in the mysteries left after a night smudged dark by drinking, and the draw . * Buzzfeed * a memoir of her alcoholism but also an empathetic dissection of addiction and American drinking culture, and the blurry lines between the two. All I know is that I hated it, and for five years, I kept very quiet about it. "You might think it's stupid, but I still think it's art." Gender, sex, morality. Are you kidding? Sarah Martha Maria (Porkkonen) Hepola, was born on March 28, 1933 in rural New York Mills, Newton Twp. Writers gathered around the long communal table of Twitter, and some days it felt like the last scene ofReservoir Dogseveryone turning their guns on one another. Its a fair point, but me, personally? And so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative. I was stuck on my second book, stuck on projects Id taken to cover the expenses of not finishing that book. I had not done the hard work of accepting myself; I was always drinking myself into an acceptance of myself, but I introduced new shame. . That was another reason for the silence. This felt empowering to her, as it did to many of us who were young and sexually active at that time. Im dying to talk about the Brock Turner incident, I said. My friends and I at thealternative paper inAustin, Texas,sat around long communal tables at dive bars arguing about pop culture, trying to one-up one another with off-color jokes as we downed pint after pint. At what point does an AirBNB just become a hotel? How long does it take to become a therapist? I stayed on apodcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleadersthat I feared everyone would hate, and I braced myself to be unpopular, to take the hits, which never really came. I grew up reading Edgar Allan Poe (alcoholic, married his 13-year-old cousin), dancing to James Brown (domestic abuse, alleged rape), watching Woody Allen movies (is Woody Allen). ", When she was having a blackout, Hepola explains, she could appear to be interacting with the world consciously -- but afterward, she would have no memory of what had happened. The selfie with Malcolm Gladwell I posted to Instagram did get a ton of likes, though. If women wanted equality in the bedroom, why did so many confess to being turned on by domination and rough sex? Sinopsis Para Sarah Hepola el alcohol era la gasolina de toda aventura. And a lot of us are trapped in that sorry place. You cant predict these things; its all guesswork. From reading your book, that seemed to me like perhaps the time that was the hardest for you. On the master of precise prose, falling in love, and writing as an irrelevant act. Mini Biography. Follow her on Twitter @sarahhepola, on Instagram @thesarahhepolaexperience, and on Facebook @facebook.com/sarah.hepola.blackout. The Internet hates Franzen? He was not an online creature, despite being 29. What things cant you write about?, Gender, sex, politics. Heres something that I think helps enrich the conversation." Bestselling author Sarah Hepola hosts this journey through the wild and glamorous saga of a sideline spectacle that changed sports, fashion, entertainment, and countless childhoods of boys and girls like her. You say that in your own life, "alcohol often made the issue of consent very murky." And the writing community changed. I thought that my dating life was over, because there was no way in hell that I was gonna be able to be intimate with somebody without drinking. He worked in a factory, with his hands. She went to St. And so it came as an unwelcome surprise to watch the intolerance that my liberal friends once decried on the censorious right flood to our side of the street. And it might be different from what you are at the moment -- without being supermodel size, either. All my friends drank -- why were they telling me its not OK, when their drinking was OK? My point in all of this is: Hey, were having this explosive, important, necessary, fascinating, difficult conversation about consent. Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. Thats not what this is about. Last year marked a low point for me. Her place was filled with hardback books and writers who had been invited because they danced on the precarious edge of what was considered appropriate. Im telling you about what I saw when I was 19. Not that project, not that story, not that controversy. I hope you revel in the writing and wrestle with the problem. That she sympathizes with accused rapists, for one thing . But my cohort and I had grown up wanting it both ways: a safe career, and an artistic one. Some of them just never spoke about it and silently worried. Burial service for victims of the SS Atlantic shipwreck, April 1873. Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. But there would be no lunch after the show. Sarah Hepola @sarahhepola Feb 22, 2023 @marsrat77 Love that. We are all unreliable narrators. The book is an intimate education, not only in her personal history, but also about the dangers of alcohol-induced blackouts, or "periods of memory loss for events that transpired while a person was drinking," which Hepola calls a "menace hiding in plain sight. Oprah managed deep conversations with each of them, never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the other. I simply could not gamble with my future. Maybe Ill write something lousy. As jobs in the industry diminished, journalism had become even more cutthroat. Well, has the Internet read The Corrections?. I dont know. And that sure proved to be the truth for March, who closed the book on ex-husband Bobby Flay for good two years ago but still. I couldnt always tell the difference between activism and protectionism, valid critique and frivolous complaint. Outside on the sidewalk, he thanked me politely and sauntered off in the other direction, and I was left wondering why, indeed, we do these things. Consent, complicity, moral trespass, power dynamics. Id get killed!, His look wasnt judgmental. Id get killed!, His look wasnt judgmental. I was screwed. And when my friends stopped laughing because, you know, laughter is a complicity; its Im in this with you. When my friends stopped laughing, I was like, Oh wow, OK, this isnt so cool anymore., Each of my friends reacted differently to what was going on. I hadnt gossiped so enthusiastically since middle school. You cant predict these things; its all guesswork. Every one of my friendships got stronger when I quit drinking -- because when you dare to tell the truth to the people who are close to you, and you dare to show your heart to them, that is an act of trust, and people, if theyre good friends -- and mine were -- they respond to that. Possible humiliation, almost-certain ridicule, and excused overindulgence: Never one to flee from a challenge, our writer goes to her high-school reunion. (I have no reason to suspect that Chanel Miller is a chronic blackout drinker, but my research taught me that blackout drinking can be chronic in college environments. Everything is guesswork. Perhaps he was disappointed in me, or in an environment where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies for private conversations. Instead of just not inviting me, which she could have done -- she could have just slowly slinked out of my life, and I would have probably just stayed in denial and thought, You know what? Beginning. Oprah had him on to talk about the book, and exactly two weeks later, she sat down with Chanel Miller, whose own memoir,Know My Name,had become a sensation. I was so scared that my life was over. And that is a great gift that you can give someone. Lets talk about it out there, he said, gesturing to the corridor that led to a packed audience, and I gave him that look, the same look Id given the younger man who asked why I didnt write about these things. I didn't do AA or anything like that, just lurked here and became a devout fan of Sarah Hepola and her musings. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). Into someone else's life. But admitting what Ireallythought, what Ireallybelieved about these complicated issues, I feared a similar exile. Which is one of the fundamental problems that alcoholics have to face: some people can keep alcohol in their life because theyre able to moderate it, but I could not. It was also, as Miller acknowledged and like every story ever told, incomplete. In the pandemic madness of 2021, a journalist friend who enjoyed sounding off on science and homeopathy decided to stay the hell away from COVID. If youve never experienced a blackout, it might be hard to understand the icy wrongness of waking up to find a blank space where three hours should be. Back in 2015, I was putting out my first book, and then I was promoting that book, and then I was struggling to write a second book, and I could not risk the personal and professional blowback that might accompany stepping into the wrong lane. Political talking points dont lie neatly along human behavior. ), Backstage at the Texas Book Festival event, I chatted with Gladwell. A writers life is financially precarious. 3 min DEC 7, 2021 1. Cloud Teachers College and became a 4th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. He skillfully reframed a rape culture narrative as a tragic misunderstanding fueled by the distortion of booze. (Laughs.) I suspect I will lose followers (I dont have that many), but perhaps I will gain self-respect, which Ive been sorely lacking lately. by Sarah Hepola. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. And I was broke, but I had no idea what to do about it. Oh God, I did that. But being sympathetic to these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and Oprahhad been declared a sin. To do so risks public shaming and possible loss of livelihood, both of which are of overwhelming importance to people like Hepola who write for a living. Sarah Hepola Net Worth is $7 Million. Maybe Ill meet the love of my life, and maybe come April, Ill be picking up groceries for the good people of North Texas who need those seven items, pronto. My husband broke up with me, but I didn't drink! Blackouts can be either partial or complete. It started early (she first stole sips of beer at age 7), and blazed a destructive path through several decades of her life. Going against the online outrage machine could be career suicide. Movies and books became a refuge, along with the Top 40 radio I listened to at night in my pink-and-red bedroom to drown out arguments between my parents, who were going through a rough patch. Everything is guesswork. Sarah Hepola 's writing has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, New Republic, Glamour, Slate, Guardian, and Salon, where she was a longtime editor. Maybe Ill write something great this year. And I was broke, but I had no idea what to do about it. She is the host/creator of the Texas Monthly podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, "America's Girls" and the co-conspirator of the weekly cultural podcast "Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em." A couple of years ago, I was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell. Is there a more honest and productive way to talk about this in public -- or is it just too thorny for people to handle? BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, Things Fall Apart: Thoughts on Joan Didion, Why Im Doing a Podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Id say it was disappointed. We spoke about her newly released first book Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, which is about a lifetime of drinking and the initial years of recovery. She went to St. Sarah Hepola writes a long rambling pointless essay titled The . But in my professional life, I wrote about apolitical subjects such as dating and travel, and on Instagram, I mostly posted about my cat and whatever seltzer I was currently enjoying. I didnt deserve to be there, or at least thats how I felt as guests exchanged war stories about the scolds on social media, where I mostly posted upcoming appearances, like a bot run by a PR firm. The unwritten rule of elite media tribes seemed to be this: You spout the company line, or you shut up. One of the great mistakes of our moment is being deemed on the wrong side of history. But has anyone read ahead in the book so they know how future generations will see this stuff? I have a million things to say, but well talk about it after the event.. Sarah Hepola is the Dallas-based author of the New York Times bestseller "Blackout" and a forthcoming memoir about being single called "Unattached." She also reported and hosted the Texas. All Rights Reserved. His research focuses on the historical sociology of American schooling, including topics such as the evolution of high schools, the growth of consumerism, the origins and nature of education schools, and the role of schools in promoting access and advantage more than subject-matter learning. Im not gonna deal with that person because that person brings chaos -- and I understand that. Every day, I scrolled the endless river of outrage and all-caps, watching people express similar views to mine only to be pounced upon. I would thump the kitchen table. Taboo subjects have always been delectable, but suddenly we were living in a time when so much that was once considered fair game for discussion (education, biological differences, the benefits of policing) had become dangerous. In the Dream House University of Alabama Press *A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER* For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Silent, fearful, aching to be heard, petrified of being misunderstood. Books were a common pleasure point, and I was eager to tell him about a literary party Id recently attended in New York City, where Id once lived and often visited in the Before Times. Also, Id fantasized about having lunch with him, and then later being able to say that Malcolm Gladwell and I were friends. I was not in that situation; I was on the other side of the fence. Yeah. But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. Rags to Riches: How US Higher Ed Went from Pitiful to Powerful, podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Follow David Labaree on Schooling, History, and Writing on WordPress.com, Paul Fussell Thank God for the Atom Bomb, The Winning Ways of a Losing Strategy: Educationalizing Social Problems in the US. Id spent the past five or so years watching celebrities, pundits, friends, and internet randos fall from grace for reasons as varied as sharing dumb jokes, making clumsy writing errors, accidentally showing their dong, and expressing controversial (though often widely held) opinions in the public execution chambers of social media. If you do, that is sexual assault. Blackout - Sarah Hepola Drunk Mom - Jowita Bydlowska Smashed - Koren Zailckas Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety - Sasha Zimmerman Scoblic Parched: A Memoir - Heather King The Recovering: Intoxication and its Aftermath - Leslie Jamison Reply . I think Im gonna find out the answer to that question over the next few months. Something else might work for you, but just thought I'd share. The younger man and I could talk in an antic way Id come to find quite valuable. The other is that she is exploring an incredibly important problem for writers and other public figures in the currently period of over-heated cultural conflict. We will miss her deeply. I listened to podcasts on which controversial figures interviewed controversial guests, engaging in those delicious conversations I held so dear. Maybe it would get me into The New Yorker! I just thought this was how it was donewe said one thing in public, and backstage we said what we really thought. Once-celebrated writers were being publicly rebranded as ghoulish, pieces of trash, red-pilled. Me too. Given your experience, do you think there is a better way to educate people about these issues? We need to understand these terms -- "blackout" and "passing out -- a little bit better, so that we can have a better conversation. She lives in Dallas. Its been a very interesting time, because weve had a conversation about consent that I have never seen before in my lifetime. A bigot? While researching my book, I spoke with Aaron White, a leading expert on blackouts who is now the chief of epidemiology and biometry at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Id say it was disappointed. This was 2018, and the party was an informal gathering at the sumptuous Brooklyn brownstone of a writer deemed problematic, even before that word went mainstream. Not that project, not that story, not that controversy. There had been more grievous allegations, of courserape, pedophilia, physical abuse. I had no boyfriend and practically no qualms about that. The tragic result is a disturbed public forum where it often seems like no adults are in the room. In Blackout, Hepola likens sobriety to a "plot twist" and shows the anguish that befell her when she was finally forced to face a version of herself, sans alcohol, head-on. Pero tena un precio. What would you say to people who are maybe 30 days out from quitting? 1928 - 2022 Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. That sounds really dramatic. During the resistance movement of 2016, a friends book about feminism got dropped in part because her feminism wasnt the right kind for the Trump era. Sarah Hepola @sarahhepola Host of AMERICA'S GIRLS podcast, author of BLACKOUT, and whatever comes next. She and Don raised six children there. Leave your condolences to the family on this memorial page or send flowers to show you care. ellis elementary school tracy, ca, hammonton shooting today, Them, never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the online outrage machine could be career suicide wrong. And wrestle with the problem her parents & # x27 ; d share telling you about what sarah hepola husband... Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald.! 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